Yellow & JK Rowling Wants Me Dead

by Mercury-Marvin Sunderland

Yellow

yellow

will leak out of the egg which has fallen off the wall

all the king’s horses

and all the king’s men

won’t put him back together again

yellow

he didn’t show the signs

not your typical stereotype of who he was supposed to be

he hasn’t been able to say

that everyone around him knew

eggs grow easy

at making sure they don’t fall

but it sure is easy to crack

slip up and smash into a collision

with the tiniest step

i can’t say

i always knew

i can’t say

i rejected

what you thought what wouldn’t make me

i can say

that eggs will hatch

i can say

that eggs will fall

i can say

that many things were there

but i merely didn’t understand it

because i didn’t know that eggs were an option

because you told me eggs were a world different than what i was

yellow

will leak onto the walls

smash and create a field of daffodils

where all the butterflies

have come to mourn

not every caterpillar

got to become a beautiful butterfly

not every egg

got to hatch

JK Rowling Wants Me Dead

i blended

blueberries

raspberries

blackberries

lemon juice

lime juice

ice for my smoothie this morning

and i guess i’ve gotten so used to drinking

that my brain said maybe you can make smoothies without the alcohol

and i laughed

because i don’t drink in mornings

i drank

to another breakfast

in this house by myself

it has been ten years

since my eleventh birthday

today on my facebook i discovered

that jk rowling

otherwise known as the bigot who wrote harry potter

released a new book this morning

about a cis man who dresses up as a woman

so he can kill them

and this non-alcoholic breakfast

couldn’t help me

even if i was drunk out of my mind

jk rowling wants me dead

she is a known advocate for the genocide of transgender people

and i know

this novel

will lead to more and more trans deaths

my breakfast

is sour

and i pucker up

and drink anyway

on my tongue

tastes the bitterness

of lonely mornings

trauma that isn't shared

with so many

my eyes tear

and my hands are shaking

and i know this isn't just my adhd

i spill

this red drink

and yet again

i must mop myself up

clean up the area

and show for the rest of the world

there is no spill

i blended

blueberries

raspberries

blackberries

lemon juice

lime juice

ice for my smoothie this morning

i guess i’ve gotten so used to drinking

that my brain said maybe you can make smoothies without the alcohol

and i laughed

because i don’t drink in mornings.

Mercury-Marvin Sunderland (he/him) is a transgender autistic gay man from Seattle with Borderline Personality Disorder. He currently attends the Evergreen State College and works for Headline Poetry & Press. He's been published by UC Riverside's Santa Ana River Review and The New School's The Inquisitive Eater. He's @Romangodmercury on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.

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